How to Date a Transgender Person?
Whether you’re interested in asking a trans person out on a date or are looking for advice on how to improve your current relationship, we hope that you’ll find this guide useful. This article will go over some basic definitions in the community followed by the do’s and dont’s of dating a transgender person.
Before reading on, it’s important to remember that every person is unique, so it’s possible that some things in this guide might not apply to every trans person.
Terms and definitions
Transgender woman: A person who was assigned male at birth (AMAB) but identifies as a woman. Another term is Male To Female (MTF).
Transgender man: A person who was assigned female at birth (AFAB) but identifies as a man. Another term is Female To Male (FTM).
Non-binary/genderqueer: Still under the trans umbrella, non-binary and genderqueer are terms that refer to people that identify outside of the gender binary.
Gender dysphoria: This term is used to refer to the feeling of discomfort that trans people experience if they feel like their appearance and body parts don’t match their gender identity.
Transitioning: This word for the trans community refers to the process of changing one’s gender expression and/or sexual characteristics to match their gender identity. This usually includes hormone therapy and gender affirming surgery.
Cisgender: Anyone that is comfortable and identifies with their sex at birth are called cisgender or cis. The majority of the world population is cisgender.
We encourage you to try to do your own research about transgender people and the LGBTQ+ community as a whole, as these are only basic terms and definitions to help you understand the rest of this guide.
What to do when dating a trans person
Many of the points below may seem like common sense, but can also easily slip the mind of a cisgender partner who is still learning about the transgender community.
Be respectful: Make sure that you are as respectful as you can be. Use your date’s correct pronouns and try to make an effort to correct others that misgender them. Respect their right to privacy about their transition.
Get to know your date for who they are: Their gender identity is not a personality trait and shouldn’t be the focus of discussion. Trans people don’t want to be treated differently from everyone else. They have their own interests and hobbies that make each person unique.
Compliment them: Everyone loves compliments! However, be careful about giving compliments on their appearance as it could cause dysphoria. For example, saying something such as “I wouldn’t have known you were trans” continues the harmful cycle of expecting that trans men, women, and non-binary people need to look a certain way.
What not to do
Being respectful and learning your date’s interests is common sense, but this list of things to avoid is more specific to the trans community.
Don’t ask personal questions: Trans people don’t owe you explanations about things such as their transitioning journey. It would be inappropriate to ask a cisgender person about their medical history and genitals, and the same applies for trans people.
Think that dating a trans person changes your sexuality: It’s okay if you discover a new side of your sexuality at any point in your life, but being with a trans person doesn’t automatically change that. Their gender identity is what matters when it comes to their sexuality. For example, a cisgender man dating a trans woman doesn’t create a gay relationship.
Don’t treat them like a secret: Trans people don’t deserve to be hidden behind insecure partners that are worried about opinions from friends and family. If you’re not ready to face the possibility of hateful judgement from others, it may not be the best time to try dating a trans person.
Don’t stereotype or compare to cis people: Even if a trans person identifies within the binary of man or woman, they shouldn’t be expected to follow gender norms. Trans men don’t need to be masculine with short hair, and trans women don’t need to be feminine with long hair in order to be valid.
There’s no “one size fits all” approach to dating as everyone has their own preferences and personalities. However, it’s always important to be respectful, listen to any boundaries your date may have, and be yourself.
All transgender men, women, and non-binary people should be treated as the unique individuals they are, not lumped into a stereotype.
If you have taken the advice in this article to heart, then you’re on the right track to having a great date!
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